The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
