youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
