it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
