Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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