I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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