he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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