You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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