I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A+ Viking dick
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
