the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
