I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
