And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
