Will you blow on my dice?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
