I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
