In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
