My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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