I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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