This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
