before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
