Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
