I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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