No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
