I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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