my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
