Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
im on a boat
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