She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
