watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
