his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
