Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
