hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
