i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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