The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
