OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
