i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it because I queefed?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
