I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
