i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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