you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
