there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
