i would punch a child for taco bell
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
