True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
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i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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