I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm like, not good at living.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
