so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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