I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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