just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
