No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
