Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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