I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
