Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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