shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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