I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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