he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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