dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
