why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
