there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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