i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
