In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.