So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.