i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
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my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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