If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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