hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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