is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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