too bad you live with your parents still
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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