Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
