At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
