she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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