Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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