Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
