Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
