meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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