oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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