oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
