How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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